The Void

Alone at the table as day turn into night
I want to believe, but hope is out of my sight
Wallowing in my misery as summer loses all of its light
Gorging in self-inflicted despair
The loathing I endure, my way of being fair

My mind is spinning out of control
In the play based on my life, I no longer have a role
I sit silent in the corner as I watch myself act
When it comes to emotions, I no longer react
Continuously reminded of the abilities I now lack
Compassion, caution, kindness and even love
Questioning my right to enter the heavens above
The silent of the night interrupted by the shriek of a sole, black dove

Kneeling in front of the cross
My face, riddled with pain and torment, struggling with loss
Regret and self-loathing, I sense this is a must
I wander the valley in the shadow of death
I fear no evil, since I have no one left

You were the sole one able to close the void
You patched me up, you made me whole
Take this as my insanity plea
I am so sorry for showing you a side of me
That no human being should be forced to see

Never again shall I hurt you
Never again shall my slick tongue
Rip into your blossoming soul
Left marks that even love cannot repair
The way I abandoned you was far from fair
But believe me when I tell you, I did it out of care

©Alexander Berg Mattsson, 2012

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