Chain Reactions

I have to distance myself from pain
I must take the step out of the rain
If I stand by you, I might go insane
She spoke with a soft voice
Her painless expression tells me
That I have no choice

Three months later,
I sit and stare at wall
Wondering how did I lose it all
Who ever knew
That my pursuit of happiness
Would force me away from you

Six months later,
My whole being belongs to you
And it scares me beyond the realms of sanity
Pridefully embarking on the path of insanity
Weltering in my own disgrace
Worshipping my mistakes
Why care about saving face

One year later,
I put my feet on the ledge
A whole year of living on the edge
Has torn me to pieces
People that I loved, turned into leeches
Draining me of the few emotions I had left
Now I see but one option, and that is death.

***
I arrived first at the scene
Nothing in this world is beautiful enough
To erase what my eyes have seen
He fell like a dove who had lost its wings
Crashing down onto the pavement
The silent stream of blood left rings
And I despise myself for not being around
I try to scream his name but cannot make a sound
My beautiful baby-brother lay dead on the ground

©Alexander Berg Mattsson, 2012

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