As The Lights Go Out

I got a tumor in my head.
It’s just a matter of time, before I’m dead
They offer me chemotherapy, but I refuse
To me, the value of life has always been diffuse.

My family says that they’ll support me in whatever I choose
And I worship that decision, I have nothing else to lose
Three months go by and I grow weaker
The meaning of life, I am its most desperate seeker.

At nights I cry, as I twist and turn
Deprived of sacred rest, as my head burns
I am ready to leave “here”, but I have so much to learn
(and) they say that you’ll get, whatever you’ve earned
So, answer me God: Is this what I deserve?

©Alexander Berg Mattsson, 2012

Author’s Note: It is a piece of fiction, my friends.


18 thoughts on “As The Lights Go Out

    1. thepoeticgoblin says:

      I believe you’re right. But we wouldn’t be human if we weren’t curious, sometimes I do question why tragedies occur. With young, innocent children dying of diseases etc. That’s what inspired this little piece!

      1. Pete Armetta says:

        Oh of course it’s our responsibility to be thoughtful about it. We are alone and the questioning and existential angst and heartfelt yearning to understand and identify our place and role in life is ours alone- we have to be accountable for it IMHO.

        And anything I read where I have to suspend belief and get transcendent and filled with wonder always works for me. I hope that I write that way myself from time to time. 🙂

        That’s the art of it!


  1. lscotthoughts says:

    Wow, I’m glad you added that disclaimer, as I’ve had two very close friends die of brain cancer. And several others of cancer, in general…I’m tired of cancer, can you tell, Alex? Anyway, this is gripping; well written and I agree with Pete…we’re not meant to know the answers and if we are, it’ll be when we’re long gone~ 🙂

    1. thepoeticgoblin says:

      Yeah, and I understand why. Cancer is a nasty disease and me and my family have been blessed with not having it take one of us out yet. Thank you, and I’m glad you liked it!

  2. doncarroll says:

    i wondered the same thing. but this can allude to other things and not the physical aspect of a tumor. it could be related to mental disorder and such. at least that is my take. nicely done!!

    1. thepoeticgoblin says:

      You are on to something there! I love reading different interpretations of my work, it helps my creative growth. Thanks for reading, commenting and kudos on your slightly different intake from this one.

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